(Actually, I think a better title for this post would be “THOUGHTS AND CONFESSIONS ON FRIENDSHIP FROM THE COUCH WHILST WEARING SWEATPANTS, GROMIT SLIPPERS, AND A 27 YEAR OLD DISNEYLAND SWEATSHIRT“. But that didn’t fit in the Title Box)
I have been a terrible friend this year. No, don’t try to tell me otherwise. It’s true. I have known what a terrible friend I have been, but the longer I left emails unanswered and let packages sit, waiting to be mailed, the guiltier I felt and the longer I let them sit and left them unanswered. It has been a vicious cycle. I probably still owe you, dear reader, a letter, email, FaceTime chat, or text. I’m sorry.
This morning I stumbled upon a blog and was skimming through the posts when I saw the phrase “intentional in their friendship” (or something like that). There it is again! That word, intentional. It seems to be popping up a lot in my thoughts and reading lately, and it got me thinking. Again. Ugh, thinking is hard and borrrrriiiinnnnggggg (Boring: A word Christine likes to use when she doesn’t want to do something because she is lazy/doesn’t want to be an adult).
Friendship is hard and it takes work. “Duh, Christine.” Look, I know you know this, and I know I knew this, but sometimes I forget what I know and I have to learn it over again. See, I often picture friendship as something that goes like this:
Girl One loves A, B and C.
Girl Two loves A, B and C.
The two meet.
“You love A, B and C? I LOVE A, B AND C!”
“WOW! We also seem to have that ineffable chemistry that makes for great friendships—let’s be friends!”
They hold hands and skip off into the land of Friendship is Magic, populated by Anne & Diana’s and Betsy & Tacy’s where everything is wonderful and everyone knows what to say and when to say it and they know when you need to talk and they know when to make you talk and when to listen and it’s all buttercups and roses and they are friends forever THE END.
That is absurd.
I’ve been sitting here, writing and re-writing this post, trying to figure out what it is I feel and what I’m trying to say. And I realized I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, because I’m still trying to figure this all out. I could save this as a draft and wait until my thoughts are more coherent, but here is the thing—I’m tired of waiting until I have all this figured out. In the past two years I have come to truly understand that life does not have a pause button and you can’t wait to sort out This before you move forward with That—you have to do That in the midst of the mess of This. And so I’m going to be a little more open and raw on this here bloggy blog. Maybe we can all talk things through and learn and grow together instead of just, I don’t know, reading how I went from point 1 to 2 to 3 and now it is all grand, leave me happy comments!
All this to say that friendship takes work, and I have been selfish and maybe a little lost this year and I am sorry for that. Truly. I don’t want to take any of my dear friends for granted or make them feel like I’m ignoring them for other friends or activities. Maybe we need to encourage one another to be intentional with our friendships—schedule FaceTime chats, set aside an hour tonight to reply to that email instead of just saying “Oh, I’ll get to it eventually. They know I love them.” Sure, they may know it in their hearts, but sometimes being reminded of this, whether by saying the actual words or through your actions, can make someone feel really, really good. And I’m pretty sure making someone else feel good is a part of friendship.
Let’s go be intentional!
P.S. I love you.